I went back and fro about how I would wrap up my business after that last post. But I cannot delay it anymore, I am faithful to my readers and I own you a follow up and an update.
|Sorrowing Old Man ('At Eternity's Gate') |
Vincent van Gogh
First and most important I would like to refer to my last post, which was quite depressing. I am sorry if I let you down or if you lose faith in me, because I lost it too - but I will not remove it. I felt that way and I want to be honest here, always. I am a normal person, I am not perfect but I am what I am and I accept it, truly. I say this all the time, I may have a disease that makes me feel like nothing some days but I would not be what I am without it. It is part of me, it taught me how to be tough and to find within me the strength to fight back when everything is falling apart. Sometimes I want to give up but I always remember I have a purpose in this life, so I need to be here to fulfill it. It is hard to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart but I am learning with every lost.
More important than what I am going through, is what you guys are going through. I mean: you could read my blog and think well what a selfish little brat. I do not deny it lol, even so my purpose with this blog was to say I am here, I am just like you and you don´t need to feel ashamed. Admitting I have a problem that it was not the end of the world and that I just need to find ways to deal with my problems as they come. One day at a time right?
What I want from this blog from now on is to interact more with you readers, feel free to make suggestions, to expose your opinion and to reach out to me, if you feel like I do sometimes. I just close myself so much when I am depressed I just wish someone would come up to me and say: “Tell me how are you feeling” and hearing a “I understand you”. Depression is more common than people like to admit, as if it was something to feel ashamed for, and it isn´t! It is a disease, it is not an excuse to be lazy or not to work or socialize; it is unfair to feel like we are the waste of society – because that is what people make us feel, because they do not understand that the pain is so numbingly exasperating that makes us feel like we have no control over our body and pain is all that exists in the entire world. No words can explain this degree of suffering, it is just too much for one person, so instead of calling your friends or family members: lazy or inept – think a little bit about my words.
|No copyright infringement intent, if you own the image e-mail me and I´ll take it down|
The best thing that ever happened to me was open up to someone that was going through the same thing as I was. Just for once not to feel obligated to do something I couldn´t do, and don´t feel guilty about giving up on me sometimes. It is better if you are understood and you can only feel understood if the other person knows exactly how you feel. So I really wanted to leave this message here, I understand. Come to me and tell me, it is free, no judgment and you do not have to identify yourself.
This is what I am, I feel the need to give back not just burst words into a computer and let it set. I want to help.
That is it for today, later I will tell you what has been going on since that post and how I overcome all my fears and powered through and now I feel accomplished and happy. Share…
This song is for us: